What Is Emotional Flooding?
According to Dr. John Gottman, emotional flooding is our nervous system in overdrive.
It happens in our relationships often when someone says or does something that sets off your internal threat-detection system. Your sympathetic nervous system jumps into action, preparing you for battle or flight. In this state, you lose some of your capacity for rational thought and there is a decrease of activity in your pre-frontal cortex, the center of higher cognition. It is not possible to ‘reason’ traumatised people out of feeling overwhelmed when their bodies are experiencing strong somatic (body-based) responses. We must recognize when we are emotionally flooded and work on creating safety, before reasoning and understanding.
Signs of emotional flooding
Creating awareness about your own personal symptoms of emotional flooding is very important. The more aware you are that you’re becoming flooded, the more likely you will be able to calm your nervous system and communicate effectively. Some common symptoms of emotional flooding are:
tunnel vision or trouble seeing
compromised hearing
sweating
upset stomach
muscle tightness
rapid heartbeat
emotions feel all over the place
difficulty focusing or processing information
feeling like you want to flee or run
What is self regulation?
Self regulation is the ability to moderate your own behavior, emotions, and thoughts. When you are emotionally flooded, self-regulation skills can help you calm down.
How to self regulate
Self-Regulation is a set of skills that allow us to regulate our emotions and decrease feelings of distress. These conscious or unconscious mechanisms reduce our level of pain and re-establish our equilibrium. Developing self-regulation strategies is possible at any age. It begins with becoming aware of where we go with our feelings, thoughts, and actions when feeling discomfort or pain. Then we can make deliberate choices to develop new, useful strategies. Think about some of the symptoms of emotional flooding we just went over.. Which ones do you experience most often?
When you are experiencing any of those symptoms, self-regulation skills are your friend. You can use this list as a starting point to develop your own self-regulation toolkit.
caring, understanding self talk that affirms feelings
self expression through art, music, dance, writing, etc.
prayer
body movement
focusing on the breath
cross your arms across your chest and alternate tapping each shoulder
compassionately label your emotions
realistic, positive self talk that empowers
becoming aware of your body sensations
nutrition
take a walk
listen to music
What is co regulation?
Co-regulation is how we help each other heal from trauma or distress. A nervous system that is consistently co-regulated will eventually learn to regulate itself. Co-regulation helps manage distress for both partners and allows connection, safety, and improved self regulation skills to be developed.
Ways to co-regulate
Remember to always ask and remain open to feedback when co-regulating. Joint safety is most important. You can use some of these strategies from your ways to co-regulate worksheet
light touch
putting an arm around them
making and maintaining eye contact
using a calm voice
audibly sighing and encouraging them to do this too
breathing in and out slowly next to them
leaning on one another
asking what they can tolerate before using more touch
becoming aware of your own distress
taking a time out when needed
Join My Emotions 101 Course To Learn More About Emotional Flooding
In week 3 of my new emotions course, I talk all about why emotional flooding happens, what to do about it, and how to feel your feelings safely. The course cart is open until May 2nd, 2020. Join now!