How To Sit With and Experience A Feeling: Step By Step Instructions
There's a lot of talk about "feeling your feelings," but what does that really look like?
When we talk about “feeling” our emotions or feelings, what we’re really saying is that you have to allow yourself to experience the full breadth of the emotion and allow it to rise, peak, and then fall - safely.
You have to allow your body to complete the stress cycle and decide how you’d like to deal with this feeling. There are many ways to actually experience your feelings and emotions; most of them are not calculated, intellectual decisions. They also have to happen in the body. We will talk about those soon.
The next time you’re noticing an emotion in your body, I want you to follow these steps.
1. First, you’re going to figure out if this is an emotion that you need to process and if it’s safe for you to do so. If you have a trauma history, have been diagnosed with or experienced symptoms of PTSD, or live with another diagnosis that makes it difficult to experience emotions or causes you to become emotionally flooded - I recommend really checking in with how safe you are before doing any of this. It’s also ok to take breaks.
If you decide this is an emotion you’d like to process, you’re in a safe place to make that happen, and you have the resources to work through it if it gets tough, you can begin.
Let’s work through the process of checking in with the mind and body and labeling the feeling.Pause here and pick an emotion or situation that you’d like to process.
2. Take a moment to sit with your body.You can lay down or sit comfortably. Find a way to make yourself feel grounded. It may help to have your back against something firm like a wall or a chair and have your feet planted firmly on the ground.
3. With your eyes open or closed, again whatever feels safest and most comfortable for you,start to scan your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet.Take a moment to notice any sensations that are popping up for you.
4. When you notice a spot where there is tension or even relaxation, don’t do anything about it. Just notice it. No judgment, no questions, no analysis.
Is there any spot in your body where the sensation is more intense? Can you go to that spot and really examine it? What sensations are you experiencing? Is it getting less or more intense?
5.Now take a moment to ground yourself in the present moment.Look around your surroundings and ground yourself in your body. You’ve just completed your body check in.
6. After you practice checking in with the sensations in the body, you’llstart working on labeling the emotions. Here are some of the questions you can ask yourself:
If you could give this emotion a name what would it be?
If this sensation in your body could talk, what do you think it would say?
Does this feel like something you have felt before? If yes, what did you call it then?
How would you describe this feeling?
Let’s try it out, when you say “I feel ____.” Does that seem right?
When you choose a feeling word, say “I feel ____.” Try to avoid saying “I am (feeling).”
Now that you have a name for that feeling and you know what the sensations are, you’re going to tackle the hard part. You’re not going to numb that feeling or run from it. Instead, you’re going to experience it.
Again, if you’re still on the body portion of this exercise or working on labeling it, it’s ok to stop there and continue another time. You do not need to get through this all in one sitting and it will take practice. Some emotions or situations might be easier than others.
7. Here is a list of ways to experience that emotion:
Sleep: When used correctly, this can be a great way to process an emotion. Sleeping and then attending to an emotion can be an effective way to cool down.
Talk it out: Processing something emotionally with a trusted person or professional can be really helpful and allows you to tap into that labeling skill. This may also help with decision making and safe emotional processing.
Move: Go for a walk, stretch, move your body in a way that feels right for you.
Breathe: Deep slow breaths help to downregulate the stress response. You might want to use an app on your phone or practice this with your therapist.
Connect: Get out in public around people and have casual, positive interactions. Even just smiling at the barista making your coffee and saying “thank you” helps.
Laugh: This helps create and maintain social bonds and regulate emotions. You can laugh with friends or watch a funny video to help yourself laugh.
Touch: Hug or kiss someone that you like and trust. You can also wrap your arms around your chest to give yourself a hug. Safe physical touch helps regulate the nervous system.
Journal: Writing about your feelings has been shown to help people manage their emotions, process them, and make better decisions.
Cry: A tried and true method that really works and has cathartic effects for us mentally and physically.
Express Yourself Creatively: Art, writing a poem, or using your hands to create can be extremely helpful for processing emotions.
Just feel it: This is a skill that may take some time, but it’s very helpful. Sometimes the feeling doesn’t mean anything and you don’t need to act. So you just sit with it and allow it to peak, then slowly pass. The more often you’re able to do this, the easier it will be for feelings to not compound and become overwhelming.
You’ll notice that not all of them center around talking or processing. There are so many ways that you can process an emotion throughout the day. A lot of it will depend on the feeling, where you’re at, what you have access to, and what works for you.
Save this and practice it regularly.